Searching

I have a doubt.

That doubt is steadily growing.

That doubt is something that my fairytale dreams are totally opposite of.

Also, I feel I am doubting God which is something that I shouldn’t do but we can’t help to do, right? I’m not in the boat alone,,,I hope.

I am doubting that I can ever find a man that fits my ideals and also loves God, with his heart and soul. My friends and family all contradict me and tell me that God has the perfect man out there for me but there is no man that can compare to Jesus and I find myself being let down time and time again.

What to do, what to do.

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2 Responses to Searching

  1. Mark Egli says:

    You’re definitely not alone in doubt. Also, I don’t feel at all that doubting God is something we shouldn’t do. I’ve always felt that doubting God gets a bad rap. I’m sure someone could explain this more elegantly than me but I’ll give it a shot:

    If we have doubts about God it’s disingenuous to try to pretend they don’t exist, to try to bury them or to feel bad about having them. If we embrace our doubts then we can end up at a place of honesty.

    From that place of honesty you can confront that doubt and eventually move forward: by either realizing your doubts were legitimate and that your beliefs have to change, or if your doubts are illegitimate then have faith that a true, powerful God worth believing in will have the ability to help us past our doubt in a meaningful way.

    It’s easy to look at people who we admire, see that they don’t have many doubts and despair. But if these people have gone through periods of doubt, it’s probably not because they have ignored or buried their doubts; but instead they’ve had very meaningful periods of doubt and have eventually had the revelation to move past them. (Or have learned how to have an ongoing struggle with doubt: I don’t know much about Mother Teresa, but this book review from my friend Ellen makes it sound like she had significant inner struggles of her own.)

    In that sense, doubting God is actually a path forward to a more robust faith: by being willing to doubt our current beliefs we can actually end up with a stronger, more robust, more nuanced, deeper faith than what we had before.

    Hopefully that is in some way helpful.

    So maybe there isn’t the perfect guy for you out there. Maybe you won’t meet someone that lives up to your ideals. How would that affect your view of life, God, your future; how is that in tension with what you believe now, and what can you learn from that tension, where is there opportunity there to ask God for something meaningful?

    It’s a hard place to be, but there’s nothing wrong about being in that place or about being honest with yourself that it’s where you are.

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