I have a doubt.

That doubt is steadily growing.

That doubt is something that my fairytale dreams are totally opposite of.

Also, I feel I am doubting God which is something that I shouldn’t do but we can’t help to do, right? I’m not in the boat alone,,,I hope.

I am doubting that I can ever find a man that fits my ideals and also loves God, with his heart and soul. My friends and family all contradict me and tell me that God has the perfect man out there for me but there is no man that can compare to Jesus and I find myself being let down time and time again.

What to do, what to do.

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Let me say that I love different kinds of food and I will try anything once. I love “No Reservations” and “Bizarre Foods”(except Andrew Zimmern is just annoying and waaaay to “American” for me if you know what I mean) So, when faced with a challenge to try a new food i’m nervous and excited all at the same time, feeling like this is my own travel food show!

I have tried Phở before at a Thai restaurant in town and while I’ve questioned if this is the real stuff, I was thinking maybe it’s just a Thai version of Phở, which I am ok with, but I’ve always had this longing to try the real stuff. So one day my boyfriend and I had just that chance. I had heard of a Vietnamese cafe from one of my friends siblings and I told my boyfriend about it and he said we should go. Off we go really anticipating the taste of Phở and just really really hungry because we had not eaten at all that day.

We arrived at the cafe. Interior lovely, many people, clean. It’s a good place I thought. There were many people at their own tables enjoying the Phở and i overheard some people talking about how good it is….until we ordered our own.

That day was luckily $5 Phở so we ordered the “everything you can possibly think of from a cow Phở” Which had brisket,tendon tripe and meat balls and came with the bean sprouts cilantro, green onions and to our surprise a mysterious plant that we just threw in the soup which later i found out was long coriander. There were also lime slices and jalapeno pepper.

This looks delicious right? Well I thought so, until it got to the table and I breathed. I tried some of it with nothing and i was overwhelmed with this strange taste. I tried the tripe and found it just to be chewy and nothing special and noticed that my meat was a shimmery shade of green which i did not eat. I did try everything. After I tried everything, I promptly added the lime..and everything else that was on the little garnish plate. I then tried it again to no satisfaction and THEN proceeded to add sriracha hot sauce and some other unidentifiable red hot sauce in a small class container. Now the soup was disgusting and too spicy. *sigh* I didn’t finish it and the only reason my boyfriend ate a little more than half of it was because he was so hungry. We then proceeded to KFC.

A couple of weeks later I asked the Thai restaurant if there were two different types of Phở or if there is just one and he said that there is one and it all depends on the stock. *ding!* He then told me that the chef from the Vietnamese restaurant used cube stock while his mother made her stock from scratch for six hours. He even told me that the chef from the other restaurant comes to their restaurant just to eat his moms Phở.

I went on to yelp and researched this Vietnamese restaurant and people genuinely like it. I’m just curious if the reason that we don’t like it is because we like “fake Phở ” which the server said does not exist or if it is just really bad. People who had eaten there and written reviews said that it was authentic and that it was delicious…. maybe we just went on a bad day.

Definitely a Phở phail.

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Almost 3 months

I haven’t written here in a very very long time. Needless to say I am horrible at keeping up with blogs, which has to change because when I travel abroad I want this to be an outlet and being a self-proclaimed foodie I want to post about different places I eat at. Which is why I’m going to make this more of a food blog with life stuff just thrown in there. I feel kind of bad that i didn’t finish the…so many days challenge thing or whatever,,,but o well. I sorta get bored easily. Onto the new challenge..of writing on here!


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Day “3” sort of

Ah,,,,what a day it has been. A really meaningful relationship ended today. It’s difficult.

Onto the Happy!!!

I haven’t eaten any bread or ice cream or soda. I know I know,,,Ella, it’s only been 4 days…. SO WHAT! That’s such a challenge and i’ve been so tempted!! But i haven’t given up. At the end of this month I’m quitting my gym because i’ve not been using it. I’m also switching over to At&t! I’m getting an Iphone 4. Yes, i know what you are thinking. WHAT!? why not wait for the 5th generation? Well basically,,,because i don’t want to.hahaha.

This week should be really tough, but i know i can get through it with Jesus’ help.

A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Dun Dun Da Dun!!!! FRIENDS~


Note: Why is Rachel the only one in the sheets???

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Day two,2,too,to,tu,투

So yesterday I thought I did really good with my Calories. I’m aiming at 1,400-1,450. However, I had a small butterfinger snickers blizzard made with chocolate ice cream. This is bad in two ways. Number 1. it’s over 670 calories( I don’t even know the calorie count because I got a weird combination). And Number 2 because I’m lactose intolerant. I’m pretty sure I did the 30 days thing promise AFTER I ate the ice cream. Also there has been a change, instead of TOTALLY cutting out bread, I’m just going to drastically reduce how much i eat it and be conscious of when I eat it. I know I can conquer my mind and my body, I can taste it. I just have to look at every day in a new way. I also have to conquer the gym and see it in a new light. I’m paying $49 a month and I haven’t been going much!! Homework and school are stressful and when I’m not doing anything I just want to sleep or watch a movie. I think maybe I should quit the gym next month. I think that it’s not working and even though I’m giving them my hard working money, I don’t have any motivation to go. I think that i just need to focus on one step of my health and get firmly situated in that and THEN I can go onto something else. Of course I will do all the activities I can and I will try to do videos at home like Hip Hop Abs, which is AWESOME. But for now, i need to slow down and do things one at a time.

Wow, Finding stuff out about yourself is really interesting and fun!! Anyways, onto my Day.


A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

This is Christin, She’s been my best friend since Sophomore year of high school, so for about….5 or 6 years, we’ve actually known each other for 9 years but we weren’t that close. I really don’t know what i would do without her. She is there for me all the time and she loves me unconditionally. I think the bond we have together is because of Jesus. She is my spiritual sister and I can tell her anything without her judging me. She loves me for who I am and i’m really grateful for that. Thank you Christin. I love you.


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30 Days Challenge~~~~

I decided that i really need to start blogging on a daily…sort of daily anyways basis and i thought this was a good start!!! Along with the 30 days, I am going to cut out soda,bread and ice cream from my diet. Every time i think of eating bread,drinking soda, i am going to blog and hopefully it will help me get by!!! ANYWAYS, without further ado, the first day.

A picture of yourself with 10 facts

1. I’m Jewish/Italian

2.I’m obsessed with Korea~

3.Don’t forget Korean Boys!

4.I’d like to get married soon

5.I love Gouda cheese

6.My best friend and I have a Claddagh ring together~

7.I really love Jesus, I’m trying to reconnect with him ヘ(^_^ヘ)(ノ^_^)ノ

8.I want to be a famous actress in Korea

9.I have a spongebob stuffed animal that i’ve had for about….9 years~ Love you Babssi~~

10.I really love Cherry Coke~~

Love Lella~~

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No man

I need to learn how to be a “No Man”

I am scared of the word no and what people will think of me when i say no, so i am often overly stressed, like now 😦

Maybe I have anxiety,,,yeah, that’s it. Actually , I know I have anxiety because I am easily stressed and if a lot of things are on my plate at once, I kind of,,,shut down

Last Night I didn’t sleep because I was online just as the earthquake hit Japan(8.9). A girl I’m subscribed to on Youtube had a livestream going and we were watching the japanese news on her tv and I was also watching about 3 other livestreams. It’s so surreal to think that it happened. Watching the tsunami hit the land is just so crazy. I wish I could go over and help the people, but I’m stuck here useless. I guess the only thing I can do is pray.


Also, I’m really struggling with my weight. I’m by no means ‘fat’ but I definitely feel that way. I’m stuck. There is a huge wall in front of me and I feel like it’s been there my entire life….What can I do to crush the wall and tear it down? I want freedom from this body, it’s just not who I want to be.  I’m paying for a gym membership that I’m not even going to because when I’m not doing anything like school or work, I just want to sleep. I know if I exercise I will feel tons better, I just can’t seem to push myself over there. CAN SOMEONE HELP MEEEEE????????? PLEASEEEE!!!! GET ME OUT!

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